


Cold

by Violet_Quaileggs



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Charaters Mentioned, Death, Depressing, M/M, No Dialogue, inner thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-02
Updated: 2016-08-02
Packaged: 2018-07-28 22:21:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 960
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7659058
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Violet_Quaileggs/pseuds/Violet_Quaileggs
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's cold in Chicago, especially in winter. Common knowledge.</p><p>And growing up as we did with trouble making ends meet wasn't exactly warm and cozy either. But we pulled through.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cold

**Author's Note:**

> I adjusted the previous seasons' plot a little bit and fucked season 6 in the ass. Though if I say this ending is better, I'd be lying.  
> Read as your own risk, it is depressing

It's cold in Chicago, especially in winter. Common knowledge.

And growing up as we did with trouble making ends meet wasn't exactly warm and cozy either. But we pulled through.

I wore hand-me-down clothes with holes and rips from Lip and the breeze still snuck under the thin layers to my pale skin. But I pulled through.

When Kash first bought me a jacket, I felt really happy. I felt less cold for the first time in my life. Still, the fact that he had a wife and a family on the front with me in the back sent chills up and down my spine. But I pulled through

And then I met you. Those passionate, intense, _hot_ sex we were having eased the cold. A lot. I was experiencing a new feeling, a new warmth I've never felt before. But when you refused to make the whole thing complete with those stupid thing called kisses, I felt not as warm as I'd like. But I pulled through

I could feel that you were cold also. Probably even freezing. You were scared. You acted tough but I know you were scared shitless. Of your father. Of your life. Of who you are. But you pulled through

Lots of shit happened. I was warm, I felt loved when I'm with you although neither of us had said the words. Then I wasn't when your dad caught us. I was shivering when you had to.... I could see the cold sweats on your body in that moment. It was chilling when you left me at the abandoned buildings, beaten. At the wedding, I tried to filled my stomach with alcohol to warm myself up but it still didn't work. I know you felt the same and I just want to hold you. I just want to make the coldness go away, for the both of us. I can't though because you wouldn't let me. I left because I couldn't see any other solution. It didn't feel safe and cozy at all when the bus rolled its tires and drove me away. But I pulled through

I couldn't find warmth. Not in the military. Not in the clubs. Not after all the partying and the drugs. And then you came around. You brought me home. You asked me if I was cold and I wanted to laugh at the irony. You draped the cover over me, held me close. I was finally warmer. I was finally home. The glares your wife gave me still made me feel chilly. But I pulled through

 

 

  
I took Yev. I kinda knew what I did was wrong but I had to run. The look you gave me when I told you where I got the money from was bone-chilling. I _had_ to run. What I didn't realize was that you was probably freezing. When you got me back, my mind was floating midair from the sedation but I could make out you asking me if I was cold. I said I was and you held me, rubbing my arms, warming me up. It still wasn't enough because after I passed the threshold, after the woman closed the gate, I was cold again.     But I pulled through.

 

 

 

 

Years after that passed in a flash. You finally got me on my meds. I was finally stable. We finally felt cozy in our home with Svets and Yev and Mandy. You made my whole body burn up when you decided to take it to the next level. I know you hate making a scene, but I know you know I love a good dramatic scene. I'm just glad there wasn't any bigots in that restaurant you proposed to me. You asked me if I was cold again when we standing out at the backyard with Lip doing the ceremony. I replied that I could never be cold again with you by my side. The rings were small and light but it held everything. Under the September skies with flaky snow sprinkling down on us, in a thin tux, I was warm and content. I know you felt the same way. We didn't need to fear the breeze anymore.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I never imagined that I would have encounter it again. Not after that beautiful day. We promised we wouldn't have to.

 _We promised_.

 

 

Who said blood was warm? It didn't feel warm. It was like ice water. It felt like I was drowning in a middle of a frozen lake.

It wasn't warm. It was not warm at all when your head laid on my laps and my hands were covered in the cold liquid.

 

 

I could have gone after the man who did this to you but I was frozen. I couldn't moved. I couldn't stop staring at your feature. Your face lost its warmth. I took it in my hands and it was just bare cold skin.

 

 

 

The cemetery was probably the worst of it all. Broad area with no trees, the wind was howling.

 

I didn't even dare touching the tombstones. I could feel the coldness seep to my bones just by looking at it. Looking at the _words_ engraved on it.

 

It feels like a dream. It feels like a nightmare. It's _not_ a dream because I can still dream. I see _you_ in the dreams.

 

And you ask me if I'm cold.

 

 

 

I'm freezing, Mickey.   I'm freezing and I can't feel anything but that. I've never been this cold in my entire life. Come back, Mick. Cover me up, hold me, rub my back. Start a fire, burn a house down. Just.... anything. Just please warm me up. Because I can't pull through this one. I can't pull through this.

 

Please Mick. Come back. Please....

 

 

 

 

 

 

  
I'm cold.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Told ya. Apparently I'm in "that" mood.  
> Please comment what you think. So I can feast off your misery :)


End file.
